As many of you saw yesterday, this site crossed the 10,000 visitor plateau around 11am Pacific Time. In addition to the countdown being a wonderful distraction from my work, I’ve been looking forward to the blog hitting this mark for a little over three months now, and I’m pretty excited to hit it. I wanted to give a huge thank you to everyone who contributed to this mark, primarily composed of dedicated, supportive readers, and trolling haters. Either way, it’s a fantastic statistic to get to, and remember, you’re all part of my success (regardless of if that was your intention).
A fun part of the quest for 10,000 hits was seeing who would get the 10,000th hit. Much like the 5,000th visit (The Guitarfather) to this site, it was a long time reader that was able to make the milestone hit. Visitor 10,000 was Ona, writer of From the Wonderful Brain of Ona and in accordance for her plans for world domination, here are five gifts that this site can’t afford to provide her.
5. An Audi R8
When I tweeted to Ona that she was the 10,000th hit on the site, she immediately requested a prize “along the lines of a new sports car”. I’ve never been one to skimp when it comes to providing people with fictitious gifts, so I figured the racing version of the Audi R8, the GT3, was a good route to go. It goes 0-60 faster than you can say sauerkraut, effectively allowing one to break the sound barrier on the way home from getting ice cream.
4. Wil Wheaton
Every evil genius needs a great pitchman to help with their propaganda efforts. While I don’t know who Ona would choose as her spokesman, I know I’d pick Wil Wheaton. Congratulations, I now have to go to my backup plan, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
3. A Cat With A Machine Gun
Everyone knows that the most tedious part of being Supreme Overlord of the World is guarding your evil lair from do-gooders, local peasants, and the Swedish Mafia. Likewise, everyone, even the Swedish Mafia, loves cats. What better way to fend off unsuspecting intruders than with a tabby brandishing a machine gun?
What’s that, Ona? You say you don’t have an evil fortress? Well take a look behind door #2…
2. An Evil Fortress
Now before all the nerds out there start bitching that this is just a pic of the fortress at Mount Celedriss, I want to tell you that before you say anything, prepare to shut the fuck up.
That said, this fortress has everything. Pale aura? Check. Spinnerets? Check. Bubble dome? Check. An evil mastermind only needs one more thing to complete their take over of the world.
1. A Lap Pet
Yep. That’s right. I bought you Jenna Marbles. Can I have Canada and the Great Lakes Region to control now? Please?
Weeee, you’re the best! I love all my presents! In return, I’ll be sure to keep you as an advisor or something. You don’t have to be part of my slave army.
I do what I can. I showed my girlfriend your post about the life of a kitten today. She told me you were funnier than me lol
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